my parisian civil ceremony
the who, what, where, when, why + the aesthetic inspo + the good, the bad, and the ugly (crying)
getting married is so (for lack of a better word) crazy! in the romantic sense, it feels surreal and wonderful to commit to loving and caring for someone for the rest of your life, and in the logistical sense, it is nuts because there is so much to plan and organize. there are so many things to take into account, not to mention preparing for all the things that could go wrong. all of this is to say that this newsletter details all that craziness: the planning, the big day, the feelings. i felt somewhat silly writing this and sharing all of it, but i loved remembering all of the details (the bodysuit i sewed and the inspo behind it, the cake i designed with a bakery, the speeches, the restaurant search, etc.), even just as a future record for myself – and maybe those of you who are planning your wedding in the near future may find parts of it useful!
after théo proposed in august, and we began thinking about our wedding, we quickly realized that we had no idea where it should take place. on one hand, it felt like a big ask to have our friends and my family fly out to europe; on the other hand, it would be a huge lift for all of théo’s family to come to new york. in either scenario, it likely would have meant our grandparents wouldn’t be able to attend, so we decided to do a civil ceremony in paris for théo’s family and my parents, and a wedding celebration in new york for our friends and my family (happening in a few months). yes, it may be over the top, but it also means our families and friends can attend without it being too much of a burden, which feels very important to us.
my understanding is that to legally get married in france, it needs to happen in a mairie, a municipal hall (or town hall/city hall). each neighborhood/city in france has its own mairie, and you must get married in the mairie that corresponds to the district you live in. while we do not live in paris, we do spend a good amount of time at théo’s grandparents’ apartment, and we were hoping we could provide enough documentation to be able to marry in their neighborhood. so in january, we went to france to try and secure the ceremony. documentation needs to be provided in person, and they would not tell us what documentation was needed on the phone in advance of the appointment so it took a while to get them everything, and we ended up having to extend our trip. but we got there.
this is a photo of the salon du mariage from the booklet the mairie sent us home with after we finally got all our documentation to them and secured our date.
the positive side of being stuck in paris is that we were, well, stuck in paris. which meant we had more time to try out brasseries for the celebratory meal with family after the ceremony. the original vibe we were going for was something very *french*. in our minds, we would go from the civil ceremony to a brasserie for a long dinner late into the night. we were picturing lots of escargot and pâté, followed by poulet rôti and steak frites with a vinegar-ey salad, and finally finishing the meal with big mille-feuilles and a giant soufflés. we dined at about nine brasseries over the span of a week but didn’t find one that worked – of the few places we liked, they either didn’t book tables for parties this large or if they were small enough where it made sense to book the place out, they didn’t book out for private rentals (all understandable).
some photos from our brasserie tour
and a video i took leaving one of the brasseries. it was snowing in paris and it was so beautiful and romantic.
on one of our last days, i was on a run and passed a cute restaurant with a lovely bright dining room that looked like it would be the right size. i sent a google link to théo and said, let’s have lunch. that afternoon we headed on over to mer & coquillages for lunch and ordered lots of different things on the menu to get a good sampling of what the restaurant had to offer. for appetizers, we had pasta stuffed with prawns, oysters, and crudo, along with two cooked fish main dishes. the whole meal was delicious – one of the best we had all week. looking around at how bright the room was, and the chic decor, we realized how nice it would be to have a late morning wedding followed by a long lunch, and mer & coquillages was more than happy to host.
the only three photos i took from our first meal at mer & coquillages.
with this new plan in mind, we thought it would be nice to have some coffee and croissants before the wedding, that way we would have time to talk to all of théo’s family (and my parents could meet everyone and get to know them a bit better). we would also have enough time to get photos with every single person and every sort of familial makeup we could think of in the garden outside the mairie. so, we placed orders for croissants from my current favorite spot, sas boulangerie moderne, and coffee from a roaster close by, brulerie de varenne.
the croissants at sas boulangerie moderne are incredibly buttery (some might say too buttery), very flakey (they will get all over your shirt and face), and so light that when you take a bite they just collapse.
after settling all of the details, it was time to create the invite. i reached out to a friend, paige kozak, and asked her if she would make the wedding invitation with all the info and our names on a croissant. she kindly agreed, and did such a beautiful job!
then it was onto the outfit. i had decided as a pre-teen that if i were to do a courthouse wedding, it would be in a skirt suit, and when the time came to purchase one, there was no question about where i would get mine: courréges. not only do they make one of the most iconic skirt suits, but their aesthetics are so ‘60s and so french, two vibes central to the wedding. since watching casino about a decade ago, i have fantasized about owning a courréges skirt suit, but could never justify the price of buying one. the civil ceremony was a perfect excuse for the splurge. i walked into the store, tried it on, facetimed my mother for her approval, and walked out with it in under 8 minutes.
i needed to figure out how to style the suit. i pretty quickly decided that my bouquet would be of muguet, lily of the valley, which is one of my favorite flowers and in french culture symbolizes good luck, health, prosperity, and love. all of these felt like the right note to start a marriage on.
my bouquet of lilies of the valley
to keep the theme of muguet going, i came up with the crazy idea of embroidering my bodysuit with pearls that look like the flower to wear underneath the skirt suit. the idea came from looking on pinterest at photos of ‘60s mini wedding dresses. in just about all of the photos i saw, the mini dresses were paired with embroidered stockings. not only did i love the way this looked, but it felt like a special project i could throw myself into for the big day.
the first attempt at sewing the pearlescent beads into the tights failed. the concept was for the flowers to be running up the side of my leg, looking just like the plant but made of pearls. however, once i removed the tights from the model of my leg i was sewing them on, i realized it was crooked and would be super difficult to get right if i were to try again. i decided to instead sew the pearlescent buds into the tights hanging from a string of small pearl beads (the stem) so that they would dangle and have movement. it took me far too long, about 12 hours (and gave me some back pain), but it was a total labor of love, and i was so happy with how it turned out.
the first, failed, version.
the second, successful, version.
finally, to keep the lily of the valley theme going i decided it would be fun to decorate our wedding cake with the flower. unfortunately, you cannot decorate a cake with lilies of the valley since they are highly toxic. i instead purchased some beautiful gum paste flowers that i planned on inserting into the religieuse á l’ancienne i designed with a bakery (one of the most beautiful desserts to me). a religieuse á l’ancienne is like a croquembouche but it’s made of éclairs. in this case, each éclair was to be decorated with white glaçage and an edible pearl in the center, and then i would add on the gum paste flowers at the restaurant before we served it.
the day
despite our ceremony starting at 11:30 am, we had to start getting ready early since our coffee and croissant breakfast was starting at 10 am. the first to arrive was our kind, thoughtful, and fantastic photographer, robert marcillas, who showed up at 6:30. he was shortly followed by jenny kanavaros, who was doing our makeup. jenny did a beautiful job – i looked like a prettier version of myself (which is all i wanted in a wedding look) with some pearlescent highlights on my cheeks and eyes to reference the pearls in my outfit and jewelry, and on the cake. i quickly got dressed, putting on my tights layer followed by the suit and some jewelry, and grabbed my muguet bouquet.
photos by robert marcillas
we needed to rush to the mairie, so we went the quickest way possible, via metro. we got off the subway with just enough time for a quick espresso before getting to the mairie where i plated the croissants and our breakfast began. during breakfast, we took all of our family photos, and my parents got to meet théo’s entire family. we had asked our mothers to prepare some words to share with everyone before the wedding. they gave their speeches outside of the ceremony room, and it was so special and set such a lovely tone with themes of care, unconditional love, and families joining together.
the ceremony itself was a bit different from courthouse weddings in the states. we were seated next to each other for the majority of the proceedings, with our parents on either side. we then had the officiant read off the laws we were agreeing to abide by after signing the marriage contract, and we tried to read our vows before saying i do, or in this case “oui”, but had to wait until after. théo and i each recited our vows in english and french (which for me, was quite intimidating – i had never given a three-and-half-minute speech in french before), we both cried, and then we kissed (while i was still ugly crying). on our walk over to lunch, théos uncle yves told us that he had never heard speeches like that before at a wedding and loved how personal it was.
théo and i had decided we should all take a walk to the lunch from our ceremony. the weather was absolutely perfect, and we passed through some of the most iconic parisian sites -- the d’orsay, crossing the seine, followed by the tuileries, and the opera. it was a very special and celebratory moment we all shared.
once arriving at the restaurant it was time to pop the champagne. we had a few more toasts from our fathers, and théo’s maternal grandparents (i have spent more time with them than any other members of théo’s family – his grandmother is a psychoanalyst so she spoke with such deep insight and had wonderful advice, while his grandfather, who is an acupuncturist, expressed such strength and emotional vulnerability that it moved théo and i to tears again).
the restaurant began passing out hors d’oeuvre-sized portions of the appetizers on their menu, standouts were the raw prawns, the prawn-filled pasta in consommé, and the crudo with pistachios and pistachio oil.
after we all chatted and snacked for an hour we sat down at seafood towers with products fresh from brittany. on the tower were beautifully cooked langoustines, oysters on the half shell, sea snail salad, and crab claws. for our main courses théo and i unknowingly had selected the same dish (something we always avoid when dining out), the red mullet with artichokes. both the artichokes and fish were perfectly cooked with a great sear and soft flesh. and it was served over this super luxurious and richly flavored sauce.
photo by robert marcillas
upon arriving at the restaurant we learned that the bakery had never delivered our cake. it is unclear exactly what happened, but the cake we had planned for would not be there. so the restaurant quickly jumped into action with the bakery and organized a replacement croquembouche.
when we had been at the restaurant a few days before the wedding, trying out some of the final offerings for the luncheon, i asked how the cake would be brought up from the basement in the kitchen as it was going to be above a meter tall (over 3 feet). someone suggested they send it up in the dumbwaiter – which was hidden underneath a table. they kindly moved the table and showed us the dumbwaiter in action and we were sold. we loved the drama of the cake rising up from the floor like that, and we were so happy that all of our guests did too, so much so that it was met with applause and we sent it back down and brought it up again so that they could catch it on video.
we then kissed over the croquembouche and théo’s uncle had a ball slicing off chunks for us all. we toasted with sweet wine, and people slowly began to leave. what was supposed to be a three-hour luncheon somehow turned into four and a half hours (the restaurant was so kind about us staying so long – they didn’t even mention the time – i only learned what time it was when i got my phone back from the speaker system as we were leaving. i truly am so grateful for everything they did to make the day so special for us). leaving the restaurant we felt so full of love and gratitude. not only for one another, but for the love our families showed to us and each other, to all of those who made the day so special (jenny, robert, the restaurant, the mairie!), and just having so many people whom we deeply love in our lives.
théo and i went back to our hotel for a nap before meeting our friends for dinner at the brasserie we originally tried to book for our wedding meal back in january, chez l’ami louis. chez l’ami louis is very expensive, but the food is delicious, the portions are comically large, the waiters are charismatic, and the overall vibe is just so french. it felt like the perfect place in paris to celebrate a very special occasion. we started with the salad, which comes in a giant bowl, and then i saw the table next to us order chanterelles, they were not on the menu but the restaurant obliged and made them for us as well. they were perfectly cooked, dripping in butter with a liberal sprinkling of chives. they were the best chanterelles of my life. we then moved onto the mains, the steak and the poult rôti – both served with frites – both perfectly cooked, flavorful, and tender. and i adore their crispy thin fries. this was the perfect amount of food for six people. if you go, and you order two mains that are served with fries, maybe ask about switching out one of the plates of fries for their pommes anna – it is deliciously buttery and topped with chopped raw garlic that ever so gently begins to cook on top of the hot potatoes. perfection.
post dinner we headed to maxim’s for a quick drink and a dance (and a couple of kisses) before heading to bed after a long and beautiful and perfect day.
as i mentioned earlier, we had planned the civil ceremony vs. wedding so that my family would be able to attend, but sadly my grandfather passed away two weeks ago. last week when we were cleaning out some of his items, théo and i found this photo of him and my grandmother at their wedding. looking at this photo makes me so happy, so i thought i would share it here.
many congratulations, paris! i will also be getting married in new york (and honeymooning in france) this summer. so much beautiful inspiration in here, especially all the *french* things <3
Gorgeous!!! Congratulations! 💘💘💘💘